Father on the Dryer

I thought the same thing when I first saw my parents having sex. It was a cold  December day. I was coming home from college to stay with family over winter break. A  loose giraffe with hard opinions was clogging the interstate, so I got home two hours  later than I was supposed to. When I opened the door, to my horror, the floors were  carpet. You see, the original floors were this beautiful hardwood with a grain pattern that  reminded me of swimming down rivers when I was a child. But when I got home that  day? All the hardwood had vanished from view, covered by a hideous green carpet. The  worst part? It wasn’t even soft. It was hard carpet. Do you understand? It was ugly and  hard. All it was was harder to clean! I discovered my parents were absolute morons. I  went to my room in a fit of despair and on my way, I passed the laundry room. The dryer  was on. They were screwing against the dryer. Just… Dad sitting on top and Mom  ba-bump ba-bump like a couple of naughty bobble heads. Can you believe it? My own  father turned into a vibrator.